Hi and goodbye (for a few days)!

Just stopping by for a quick hello! Things have been crazy around here lately... though Christmas was wonderfully relaxing. But the next day my parents and I were off to my Gram's house for our big family party, which was fun but exhausting, and tomorrow I'm off to Atlantic City with four of my best friends in the world! I can't wait. After hours upon days of writing poems (which causes me to think a little - or a lot - too much), and the usual holiday family dramas, a night of debauchery is something I am sorely in need of.

Then, shockingly enough, it'll be New Year's Eve already! That'll be followed by two lovely weeks of writing and thinking and relaxing... but until then, I probably won't be back around these parts. So happy holidays, everyone!

And so the break begins...

Today is the first day that it's really sunk in: I'm on break. I'm home, and I'm on break. I spent most of the day relaxing, drinking coffee, writing, nursing my snow-shoveling aches and pains (wow am I out of shape), and taking Spike for a leisurely walk through the snow. All in all, quite a nice "first" day off. I spent several hours writing my second poem, so I'm realizing that I really do have quite a bit of work ahead of me... but I think it's a challenge to which I'm ready to rise. I think. I just need to keep myself focused and on schedule, which is, of course, the hardest part. Especially when all my friends are home, the holidays are around the corner, I have presents to wrap and presents to open. Not to mention my parents' big screen TV, gigantic movie collection, a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream and endless mugs of hot chocolate calling my name. Hmm. Now that I think about it, maybe this will be harder than I thought...

But still, I'm loving the idea of completely immersing myself in writing during this break. I have a huge list of poetry collections I plan to read over the next few weeks and 28 poems to get written, and I can't imagine anything more exciting (maybe I need to get out more?). I've never had the opportunity to so completely devote myself to something I love like this. I want to make the most of it, and I suppose everyone else will just have to excuse my hermit-like ways for a few weeks.

A Very Unexpected Sort of Weekend

So. Guess what? We got a lot of snow yesterday. Did you know that? Did you also know that my holiday party was supposed to take place yesterday? Cause it was. But did it? Well... not exactly.

Let me preface this story by saying that Sarah came over on Friday night to help me make cupcakes for the party. Hoping to be prepared and to keep our friends well-fed, we made about 50 cupcakes. We mixed brightly-colored icing, decorated the cupcakes with pretty little designs...
By all standards, they were very lovely cupcakes. We felt that our friends would be satisfied. Unfortunately, then the snow happened.

Now, my friend Laura was smart enough to show up the night before the party - very wise. She made it to my house with no trouble at all, slept blissfully in the guest room, and was ready to party the next day! But sadly, no one else was. To my great dismay, Aubrey's bus got cancelled. Corey didn't want to drive up here through all the snow. And eventually the streets were so bad that not even my high school friends could brave them.

Except for two.

Sarah is clearly the most wonderful friend in the world, because she hiked a mile through blizzard conditions on foot to attend my non-party!
Dear Steve was also willing to suffer walking three miles of snow to get here!! Luckily, it didn't come to that, and he was able to get a ride, but still. He was willing to walk three miles! And Sarah and Steve even brought party attire! Truly they are two of the most amazing people ever (note: Steve is dressed as Andy Warhol in the photo below; what a trooper).
So... the four of us decided to make the best of what we had - which was 50 cupcakes, some chicken wings, and enough booze to last a month. It didn't suck.

We posed for some pictures first:

(We had pictures with Steve, too, I swear! But they didn't come out very well...)

After the picture-taking portion of the night was over, we promptly changed into more sleep-over suitable clothing and commenced part two of the night: the eating, movie-watching, drinking-board-game-playing part of the night. I won drinking-Life. Laura won drinking-Scrabble. We ate many cupcakes in between. It was not the night I expected, but I can't say I was disappointed in the least, aside from the people I wished could have been there.

The next morning we awoke to quite a bit of snow, which we had to shovel through so Laura could go home eventually:
Spike also helped:
By the time everyone had left, there were seven cupcakes in the kitchen. We started with fifty. Think about that.

Apropos of nothing...

I’ve been thinking a lot about exes. Not to go all Carrie Bradshaw on you (I mean, really), but… is it a good thing to keep them in your life? Ever? Because I’m skeptical.

I won’t lie: for the most part, I’m not one of those people who become good friends with a guy before I start dating him – though, let it be said that I’ve been dating the same guy for the last three years, so the majority of my experience is based on pithy high school romances. But back then, there was usually a crush, followed by some flirting, and then either the guy would ask me out – or – he’d take too long and I’d ask him out. Then we would date and, eventually, we’d break up. Sometimes tearfully, other times with almost no emotion to speak of. But without fail, one sentence was always uttered at the end of a breakup: “Let’s stay friends.”
I always assumed that was a good thing. You lose a boyfriend, but you gain a real friend. Several years and several boyfriends later, I’m wondering if that was the best approach to take. I mean, let’s be honest – I barely knew most of these guys before I started dating them, and I doubt I knew them all that much better after we’d broken up. So… is it possible that the only thing we really have in common is the shared history of the awkwardness that was our overdramatic high school relationships? And if so, is that any basis for a real friendship?

And over the years these “friendships” have caused all sorts of aggravation. First, there’s the pushing of the boundaries: are you really “just friends”? Or does this new relationship include benefits? So you have to muddle through that murky territory for a while, figuring out where each of you stands on the issue of post-breakup making out (or does that just happen to me?). If you make it through that and are still “friends,” you have re-learn how to hang out with each other platonically, and if by some miracle you make it through that and end up somewhere in the comfortable friend zone, well, you find yourself going out for coffee. A lot. Because, since you have no actual hobbies or interests in common, all you really have is Starbuck’s.

Then of course there’s the ex you didn’t actually want to ever see again, but he calls every few months and you feel obligated to go out with him for – you guessed it – coffee. Because after all, you did say you wanted to be friends, and apparently being friends means enduring monthly monologues detailing every one of his drunken escapades. Then of course, there’s also the ex that considers it open season whenever you break up with someone else. Or even when you don’t.

So I guess what I’m saying is… I’m currently in the position of being an outside observer of an awful breakup that won’t end, and it's gotten me thinking. Maybe when you break up with someone, the two of you should immediately be sequestered to different time zones for, oh, the next five years or so. After those five years, you get to have one lunch together and see if you have anything truly worth talking about with each other (small talk and “What have you been up to?” don’t count). Maybe that would be a good litmus test for friendship potential.

Thoughts, anyone?

DONE.

Yes, it's true - I am done! I handed in my last take-home final fifteen minutes ago, and now I have absolutely nothing left to do. I feel like I've been slogging through the past three weeks, constantly working on papers and poems and assignments, writing every night until my eyes might possibly pop out, and now I'm done! Except for, of course, those thirty poems I have to write, but on the upside: I've already written one and started another, so that gives me Christmas and New Year's Eve off from writing :P In fact, I think I may keep a count on this blog of how many poems I have to write and how many days I have left... to keep myself in line. You can yell at me if the numbers start getting too disproportionate.

Another fun thing I get to do now is obsessively check WebAdvisor to see if my profs have posted grades yet! Last semester I did this at least five times a day for a week. Profs, please post grades quickly. My sanity begs you.

But anyway... I refuse to think about anything now except relaxing, having fun with my friends for a couple of days, and looking forward to going home and all the fun I'm going to have when I get there! I have a big holiday party to look forward to, Christmas at my gram's house, and a trip to Atlantic City, for starters. I have a party to plan, decorations to decide on, and lots and lots of cupcakes and mixed drinks to make. Yay! I'm not going home until Friday... but even so, I'm going to clean my room and start packing way too early just because I can.

Show me the way to go home...

I'm sorry this blog has so very downbeat lately... and this entry isn't going to change things. I'm sick. Which is such a bummer! I'm almost done finals, I have a week to essentially relax and do nothing... and I'm sick. Blah. For the record, I'm not horribly ill or anything, just a sore throat, the sniffles, and lots of being tired, which I attribute to my somewhat-insomnia that has yet to go away, despite being done almost everything. Maybe I have residual stress from the past couple of weeks and that's keeping me up, I don't know, but it's a pain. And now I'm sick.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep yet again, and was feeling rather awful, so I took two Nyquil which, let's face it, could put out even an elephant for a few hours. So I did get a good night's sleep... thirteen hours worth, in fact. I didn't wake up until 2PM the next day, and then I spent the next two hours laying in bed watching TV. Lame. So, so lame. But I'm hoping that's just something I really needed and by tomorrow I'll be back on a good schedule and back to normal and hopefully not sick at all. That is my hope. I'm also finding that reading before bed, instead of watching TV or being on the computer, seems to help me get to sleep faster, so maybe tonight is a good night to finish the book I've been reading. In any case, I flatly refuse to be sick come Saturday, when three of my friends from college will be visiting and all my friends from high school will be coming over for the holiday party. I refuse!!

So, I can't wait to go home - because just being there will make me feel better. Not that I don't love my friends here and I love hanging out with them, but... I want to go home and watch movies with my parents and my dog now. I know I'm totally boring and an immutable homebody, but I can't help it. I wanna go home!

My Sunday Gift to You

I have no idea why, but I got it in my head to go looking for clips of "Desperate Lives," an old made-for-TV movie about the dire consequences of drug use - hence the desperateness. Helen Hunt going crazy on PCP and jumping out a window... need I say more? It's pretty much the best thing ever. So, I give you this marvelously bad clip. You'll thank me later for so drastically improving your Sunday.



My favorite part? "I'm glad we're ALL SANE!"

Taking a Breath

I turned in my poetry portfolio yesterday (at which point my professor looked at me and asked if I was sick, or just horribly exhausted... I guess it shows!), which is like... this amazing weight lifted off me. All week I've been thinking about that portfolio, constantly thinking of things that had to be done, revisions I needed to make, then new revisions I wanted to make... and then there was the 8-page cover letter that needed to be written, looming over my head... but now it's all done! And my professor is apparently an incredibly speedy grader, because my grades are already posted: A for the cover letter, A- for the overall revision. Yay! It's such a relief to have the responsibility of that project off of my chest. It was probably one of the most challenging projects of my time at this college (in great part because it meant so much to me), and I won't lie, I am glad it's over.

Anyway, now I have just one take-home final to get done by Wednesday and then I'm done for real. For real for real. But even so, I have so much time to get just that one little-ish thing done (we're expected to spend no more than three hours on the take-home), so I feel great. Finally, for the first time in weeks, I have a moment (or really, a week's worth of moments) to breathe. And man do I need that. This morning I slept in, had a little phone chat with my mom and my gram, lounged around my room watching a movie for a while, started rereading one of my favorite books, and drank oodles of my favorite coffee. It was lovely. Sometimes I really need time to myself, doing nothing in particular, to get back to normal, and I feel so much better now.

Of course, I can't forget that I have 30 poems to write over winter break (which, if you do the math, means at least one poem per day...), but for now I'm just taking a moment to recharge, and it feels oh so nice.

A nice surprise!

So I just found out that Jill over at Life After College gave me the Happy 101 award! Thank you so much, Jill! I love Jill's blog because she's a 20-something who graduated from college just a few years ago, and she's always writing about her experiences in that oh-so-frightening "real world," and giving advice on how to live with it. So go check it out!

Here are the rules:
List ten things that make you happy, try to do at least one of them today, and tag ten bloggers that brighten your day. For those ten bloggers who get the award, please then link back to my blog!

Ten things that make me happy:

1. Really good, fresh coffee in the morning.

2. Cuddling, playing, and walking with my dog, Spike.

3. Spending an entire night watching movies with friends or family.

4. A truly delectable meal.

5. Writing something I really like.

6. Hanging out with my boyfriend, who always make me laugh.

7. Seeing old friends.

8. Coming home after being away for a long time.

9. Reading a book that I can't put down.

10. Staying in my pajamas all day and not leaving the house.

Now, ten of my favorite blogs. Enjoy!:

Novelista Barista
The Joy of Enjoying
Kyla Roma
Neal and Rochelle's Overseas Experience
An Extended Vacation
Time Yet For a Hundred Indecisions
Experimental Culinary Pursuits
Rapt
No Named Heidi
The Life That Broke

Thanks again, Jill! And happy Friday, everyone :)

Countdown til break...

I have just one more paper and one more exam until I am done. Doooooone. Unfortunately, I've had so many cups of coffee just to get through my last day of classes (finals tend to give me temporary bouts of stress insomnia) that I feel like I'm about to pass out... and my last paper is due tomorrow afternoon. Which means I have to finish it tonight. Which means... no collapsing under the covers and not getting up for at least 24 hours, which is what I really, really want to be doing right now. Darn it.

I think the main problem is that I'm already mentally into next semester. I had my first meeting about the Senior Writing Seminar today to discuss my proposal with my professor, and that went great. I'm so excited to get started on my manuscript! But, because I'm so excited about that project, I feel like I should be done everything from this semester already - which I am most certainly not. I still have that pesky paper and that last final to slog through before I can start doing anything else. And so.....

I guess, sadly, the only answer is to go get started.

So I'm off to do that.

Good luck to all my friends who are going through their last weeks of classes and finals, too!

I'm a lover, not a writer...

Just bought this sweet T-shirt from Idiots'Books, a local small press that writes and illustrates the coolest books. So excited. Couldn't help myself. Had to share.

I strongly suggest checking them out - awesome books and lots of other great stuff.

A Song for the Frat Boys (And Their Ladies) Out There

So last night there was a very, very loud party going on in the suite below mine. Very loud. Like, louder than the usual parties that occur weekly down there. Which was fine... you know, I can handle the floor shaking, the bass pounding, and the jocks screaming... at least until 1AM or so. However, last night they took it up a notch. Every few minutes the guys down there would start screaming and yelling for no apparent reason. Just screaming. Who knows why. But okay, I took that in stride, too. I wasn't really doing anything important (you know, other than trying to sleep). But then I heard a huge bang at my suite's front door.

Someone threw a pumpkin at our door.

Yes, a pumpkin. (Which begs the question: who still has a pumpkin in December?)

Chunks of slimy, stringy pumpkin were everywhere. A path of pumpkin seeds trailed down the steps. It was lovely.

And so, to all you drunken frat boys and girls, I wrote a song. It's to the tune of "(You Drive Me) Crazy" by Britney Spears (if you don't know it, listen to it by clicking the playlist at the bottom of this post). Enjoy. (Disclaimer: I don't actually know who lives below me, or who was at that party last night. They very well may not be actual frat boys, but "drunken idiots I'd like to punch" had too many syllables so I just went with the stereotype.)

(Frat Boys Drive Me) Crazy

Frat boys, I’m so mad at you
You’re so damn drunk now, what can I do?
Frat boys, you spin me around, oh
My floor is shakin’, your bass is so loud
Every time you throw parties
My nerves are jumpin’, it’s easy to see
Hating you means so much more
More than anything I ever felt before!

You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so ticked off, I want to weep
Crazy, and it feels not right
That listening to you frat boys keeps me up all night

Tell me, when will you pass out?
You’re playin’ beer pong, but why must you shout?
Tell me this will end by two, oh
But still I’m wastin’
My sleep time on you
Hating you means so much more
More than anything I ever felt before!

You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so ticked off, I want to weep
Crazy, and it feels not right
That listening to you frat boys keeps me up all night

Tell me, why did you have to?
Why throw a pumpkin, we don’t even know you
Tell me you’ll clean up this mess, oh
That you won’t add on
To finals week stress
But I know you won’t help out
You’ll be too hungover without a doubt!

You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so ticked off, I want to weep
Crazy, and it feels not right
That listening to you frat boys keeps me up all night

Crazy, I just can’t sleep
I’m so ticked off, I want to weep
Crazy, and it feels not right
That this happens every night

You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so ticked off, I want to weep
Crazy, and it feels not right
That listening to you frat boys keeps me up all night
Man you drunken frat boys must not be too bright!

Is that... snow?

Do any of you remember how two days ago it was 65 degrees? Well I'm looking out my window right now and it is snowing. Dude. Is it officially winter, or will spring be back in a few days (I personally hope it's the former!)?

Hope everyone is bundled up or somewhere warm and cozy! Happy weekend!

Little update plus some babies...

So Hell Week #1 is over! (Small clap of approval.) Now, despite it only being Friday, it’s time to prepare for Hell Week #2. Surprisingly, finals week itself should be fairly painless. I only have one final, and it’s a take-home, which is absolutely marvelous, and by the week after next I’ll be done my final paper for Living Writers class, done my portfolio for poetry workshop, and completely done with 18th Century Lit. However, in order to get to that point, I need to actually write that final paper and prepare that portfolio (not to mention write the eight page cover letter…). So. That’s going to make for a fun weekend.

Even so, I have some fun things going on, too. I’m going to see Monologues From the Edge tonight with Corey and Laura, which I think should be really good. I’m excited to see so many of my classmates performing monologues (there are fifteen I think); I think it’ll be interesting (in a good way, not in a sarcastic, “oooh, isn’t that interesting?” way). And… I’m probably going to the movies… and, well, that seems to be all the fun stuff. But whatever. At least I’ll get to see my boyfriend for more than a half hour at a time (it’s been a terribly busy week for both of us… really for everyone, I think). I wish I had more profound and interesting things to talk about, but that's really my life right now. Lots of papers. Lots of stress. Trying to keep the complaining to a minimum!

So on a completely unrelated note, something cheerful – I really, really want to see this movie. And I’m not even that into babies (aside from my beauuutiful niece, of course!).

Some Top Christmas Picks

You all know about my love for Etsy... so here are some of my favorite things going on right now!
Upcycled train case from Get Ready Set Go! This shop has tons of vintage, upcycled travel cases and bags, customized by hand.These necklaces from Christina Guenther. Obviously the names are customizable. Gorgeous and romantic.
Pink poppies scarf from Red Prairie Press. I'm obviously into poppies lately.
Print from Sophie Blackall. I found this shop through one of my favorite blogs, Missed Connections. The illustrator makes these prints based on the "missed connections" section, and they are so cute! Every one is a pretty, quirky gem in its own way.
Freshly Ground Heaven print from Michelle Nancarrow Illustration. There are lots of other beautiful prints of her watercolors in her shop, too (but of course I'm all about the coffee-related ones, haha).
Linen fawn and lace pouch/wallet from Track and Field. Adorable pouches/wallets, as well as really cute laptop bags.

So there ya go. Don't you just love Etsy's limitless possibilities?

I want these Christmas cards!

From Studio Flower Power. So gorgeous... except I'd never have the heart to give any of them away!

First hurdle cleared. Now....

So I'm done my last paper for my 18th Century Lit class! Yaay! Just one more (painfully long) paper to go!

However, the biggest obstacle standing between me and blissful, grade-free, worry-free freedom comes tomorrow. I have to lead the discussion in my poetry workshop. Bleh. As you may or may not know, I am not a big talker. At least, I'm not one of those people who's constantly jumping to get a word in about whatever book or poem is being discussed in a class. I'm shy. And I'm soft spoken, so even when I do try to say something, it often gets overlooked or drowned out, especially in a writing workshop where most people are clambering to give their opinions, and I simply don't have it in me to fight to be heard. It's just not who I am.
I can't say this is honestly something I've come to peace with about myself; it's a constant struggle to participate in classes, and I'm not proud of it. It's annoying, especially because I am so full of opinions and ideas in most of my classes. I don't know why it's such a big deal - I'm fine talking outside of a class setting (seriously, I'm not a mime - okay, I can still be really shy... but given the perfect set of circumstances, I really can be a superb conversationalist!), and in high school it was never a problem. I guess maybe it's just being in a room full of my peers, many of whom I don't know that well, and having to state my opinion for everyone. I don't know. Maybe the stakes seem higher now. In any case, tomorrow I'm expected to lead a class full of poetry students through a discussion of Mission Work by Aaron Baker. So.

In my head, I realize that it's really not a big deal. At all. I know I'll be totally over-prepared, and I'll know what I'm talking about, and it'll probably be fine. It's just annoying that out of all the work I have to get done, something this easy is going to be the hardest thing for me. I wish this kind of thing wasn't so completely butterfly-inducing and blush-worthy to me. It would make life much simpler.